Fantasy Football Week 8 Recap: The Tuesday Rant

by Howard Bender on October 29, 2013

New Orleans Saints v Atlanta FalconsWeek 8 in the NFL has come and gone and the frustration from fantasy football owners continues to grow. Each week , a loss can be that much more aggravating, especially when you’ve put in the time, done all your homework, studied the numbers and made intelligent decisions based on projections, history and match-ups. You’ve done everything exactly the way you were supposed to have done it, set your lineup with the highest potential for points and yet somehow, some way, your players just up and screw you over. WTF?!? Come on guys! Do you not realize what’s at stake? I need a win and I need it now. Earlier on I didn’t need it every week, but now I do. Now it’s playoff time and if I can’t rely on you then I have a very limited window where I can trade your ass. Time is running out. In numerous leagues we’re looking at four or five weeks before the playoffs start so every match-up, every week is now more crucial than the week before. If you’re not getting it done, then I need to find someone who will.

Here’s who’s sitting on my sh*t list from this week…

Let’s just start it off with some Monday Night Football, shall we? Let’s talk about needing just 19 points to win and having Marshawn Lynch and Sidney Rice going up against the Rams. Are you freakin’ kidding me? It’s the Rams, dammit! The Rams!! I feel like John Goodman yelling at his football players at the end of Revenge of the Nerds after the Alpha Betas lost to the Tri-Lambs at the Greek Carnival, here, but come on….it’s the freakin’ Rams, a team that was giving up almost 120 yards per game on the ground. I should have known better than to put any kind of trust in Rice, but Lynch was supposed to be a lock for this one. How does he get just eight carries in this game? Unreal. I was rooting for the Rams to win it at the end just so Pete Carroll could suck on that while trying to figure out where the hell things went wrong.

Say what you want, but it’s painfully obvious that Steve Smith is being rostered in fantasy leagues based on his name alone. He hasn’t caught more than five passes in a game since Week 1 and he hasn’t had more than 70 receiving yards in a game yet this season. He’s got just three touchdowns this year and if you play in a standard scoring league, he’s hit double-digit fantasy points just twice this year. He’s run-of-the-mill in PPR play too, truth be told.

Of course we expected the Dallas/Detroit game to turn into a shootout, but with the way the Lions run defense has been performing this year, how does Joseph Randle rush for just 26 yards on 14 carries? If you got word early enough that DeMarco Murray was going to be out and switched to Randle for a flex option, you got screwed. Big time.

Mike Wallace, there’s another guy who is getting by on name alone. How do you come down with just three catches on 10 targets? I know the Patriots defense is vastly improved from what it was last year and the year before, but a 30-percent catch rate is just crap. This guy whined and cried early in the season about his role and the lack of targets and has shown up for exactly two games since. Yes, I get that Ryan Tannehill is no Ben Roethlisberger (and not just because he doesn’t go trolling for date near the junior high schools) but you can;t tell me that all of these missed catches are his fault. I’m sure Wallace would say they were, but that’s why he’s the annoying crybaby no one wants on their team.

Come to think of it, I could probably write a whole article on its own about the disappointing wide receivers we draft because of name recognition. We all know who Marques Colston is, but has anyone actually seen him catch a pass this year? He’s averaging 48.9 yards per game this season, but is averaging just 14.6 per game over his last three. Seriously, if he can’t post more than 18 yards against a lousy pass defense like that of the Bills, then what business does he have being called a team’s No. 1 wideout?

Michael Vick is supposed to return to the field in Week 9. Nick Foles is expected to return after passing his concussion tests. What do you want to bet we see Matt Barkley playing in the fourth quarter once again?

If you’re wondering what that smell is right now, it’s the Jets.

Listen up, Raider Nation. Take away that fluke 93-yard touchdown run for Terrelle Pryor and you’ve got a quarterback who completed 10-of-19 passes for 88 yards with two interceptions and ran the ball eight times for 13 yards. How would you like that in your fantasy lineup?

So much for taking advantage of the league’s worst pass defense, huh RG3?  He got to walk away from this debacle with a supposed knee injury again, but he was stinking it up long before that ship sailed. How about trying to stretch the field more with your wide receivers? I get that you like the comfort of throwing it to Jordan Reed regularly, but spread it around a little when you’ve got such a cushy match-up.

Et tu, Matty Ice? Et tu? No one’s winning nothing when someone’s throwing four interceptions in a game. Stop channeling your inner Eli and get back to what we know you can do best.

And finally, though it has nothing to do with fantasy football…

Hey Brandon Jacobs — shut the f*** up and stop bitching about people telling you you’re on their fantasy team and to go home and train that fat ass of yours instead of asking for an autograph. You’re getting paid millions to play a game and you’re not even playing. One week does not a season make, dumb-ass. Maybe if you kept yourself in proper shape while you whined and cried for some team to pick you up, you wouldn’t have to worry about anything. But when you’re fat and out-of shape, people are going to say stuff to you. Thicken up your skin, grow a pair and shut it.


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