Fantasy Football Week 12 Recap: The Tuesday Rant

by Howard Bender on November 26, 2013

hadenAllow me to preface this with the fact that I won seven out of my eight games this week. The bitterness you are about to read is not coming from that of a sore loser, but from that of a writer whose job it is to help guide you toward fantasy football success but has been completely…ok, maybe not completely, but a lot…let down by the untruths the numbers spoke leading up to Week 12 of the NFL. Without a direct conduit into the minds of NFL coaches, analysts such as myself rely very heavily on the data accrued throughout the season. Obviously, there is a lot of look-and-feel that goes on and we try to hazard our best guesses as to what type of game plan each coach will implement, but the basis of all of that is still found in the numbers. That being said, here’s what’s really steaming my clams this week…

Joe Haden? More like Blow Haden this week. Heading into Week 12, Haden, arguably the best cover-corner in the game was holding opposing No. 1 wide receivers to an average of just 36.7 yards per game. His dominance of Bengals receiver A.J. Green, not once but twice, was masterful and spoke volumes to fantasy owners about seeking out alternative receivers to play when their guy was matching up with him. So when I was asked….and asked numerous times, mind you…whether someone should start Antonio Brown this week, I simply laid out the numbers for them and told them to find someone else. Well WTF?!?!?  Brown not only racks up 94 receiving yards but also burns Haden for a 41-yard touchdown? You’ve gotta be kidding me! I certainly have nothing to apologize for in my recommendation, but come on….all those points just wasting away on the bench. And yes…they were wasting away on two of my benches as well.

Would you like another example of the numbers taking a proverbial piss in your Cheerios on Sunday morning? How about the Chiefs defense? Heading into Week 12, the Chiefs ranked third in the NFL against the pass. THIRD! So sit a mistake-prone Philip Rivers, right? No way can he maintain his current level of performance against such a formidable foe, can he?

Survey says…

family fued x





Yeah, that’s what I thought too. That’s what the numbers told us. But sure enough, 392 yards and three touchdowns later, Rivers was making ever fantasy owner who benched him, look like a chump. Myself included. It probably wouldn’t have looked so bad had I not started Case Keenum who was playing Jacksonville and their 32nd ranked pass defense. Talk about a smack in the mouth.

Even Drew Brees came up on the short end given what he was supposed to do to the Falcons 31st ranked pass defense. I mean, I don’t want to sound greedy, but 278 yards and two touchdowns? Those are like Alex Smith numbers.

Jumping back to the Texans for a second, how about Ben Tate going up against the 31st ranked run defense versus Maurice Jones-Drew going up against the 10th ranked run defense? Seriously? I’m sure someone will argue that Tate still has the rib issue, but when has MJD ever been healthy? Ever.

Here’s a good ol’ kick to the fantasy groin: I’ve benched Miami WR Mike Wallace three times this season. Can you guess which weeks? Yup. Weeks 2, 5 and 12. Could this guy be any more inconsistent? If I had lost my game with his points sitting on the bench I’d probably be in Miami right now either throwing rocks at his car windows or pulling a full-on Lisa Left-Eye at his house.

Anyone else nervous about Zac Stacy’s concussion? No, I’m not getting all soft here and showing concern for his health. I’m talking about the impact on the multitude of fantasy teams I have him on. Either this is his second concussion or he had a close call earlier. I can’t remember because I myself am concussed from banging my head against the damned wall when I heard he left Sunday’s game. Unbelievably poor timing here as well with the holiday week and three games being played this Thursday.

I know the NFC North is a tight division right now but the freakin’ Packers are trying on quarterbacks like my wife tries on shoes before she goes out. Let’s go boys. I know your favorite pair has a broken heel but let’s make a decision and stick to it, will you?

Not a complaint, but a mere observation: Yes, these are the same old Jets. No Jets fan worth his salt even remotely believed in this year.

Can someone in the Denver area please arrange an introduction between Peyton Manning and Eric Decker? Apparently they don;t kniow each other.

There’s a little piece of me that’s laughing hysterically at all the Redskins fans who are jumping off the RG3 bandwagon like rats abandoning a sinking ship. Of course, there’s also a little piece of me that’s dying as his trade value in my keeper league is equal to the skid mark on the bottom of a toilet in Grand Central Station.

And finally, someone actually sent me an email after the Arizona game to ask me if I was finally going to stop picking on Rashard Mendenhall after his 54 yards and a touchdown while Andre Ellington had another disappointing day. Well, Eric M of Phoenix, AZ, here’s your 15 minutes of fame. You’re an idiot. If you think one game like this from a tomato can like Mendenhall is going to make me actually appreciate him as a viable fantasy option then your brain, if you have one, is in serious need of an MRI. Perhaps there’s a crack in that thick, candy shell you call a skull. I hope your last-place team is riding high on Mendenhall’s wings right now and by that, I mean suck it.

Bender out.


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